Old Opinions (1993-2004)
I created this archive because, well, there was a lot of crap on the original
opinion page and I know how hard it is to maintain any kind of attention span when
you're reading this kinda stuff. If you're not new to my web site, you've probably
already seen this stuff, so you can safely click your back button without agonizing
over whether or not you've read my words of wisdom.
03/17/2004: John Kerry - Graduate of The Howard Dean School of Political Suicide
This moron has made the claim that several "world leaders" would rather see Kerry
win the election than Bush. Who are these "world leaders"? When pressed to name names,
Kerry has repeatedly refused to do so. At a recent political rally, in fact, someone
in the crowd asked him the same question, and his response was, "It's none of your
Now let me get this straight... It's more important to Kerry that he continue with
an all-but-proven LIE, than it is to answer the direct question of an American
VOTER? Furthermore, since WHEN does a goddamn foreigner ("world leader" or not) have
ANY say in who our President will be? Last time I checked, only US citizens could
vote for our President.
If Kerry actually received any kind of endorsement from a "world leader", I wonder
what he gave up in return? Even more important, how long before such an arrangement
comes back to bite us all on the ass? AGAIN!
02/02/2004: Pointless Politics
Becky Whetsone is running for a Congresssional seat so that she can represent her
fellow Texans (in my district) in Washington. Most of the time, individuals run for
Congress with well-meaning intentions, and are usually qualified (for lack of a better
term) for the job. However, Becky is running because of revenge. It seems her husband
(the incumbant Congressional rep) screwed her big time when they got divorced.
Her solution is to try and take his job. You might be thinking I'm just saying this,
but her web page (that has since been changed to remove all references to her divorce)
specifically stated this as being the reason.
The thing that got my attention was that she was doing a phone inyterview with a
local talk-radio station (KTSA), and a caller asked her what her stance was on the 2nd
Ammendment (the right to bear arms). Her response was (paraphrased), "I would, but I
don't know which one that is."
I don't know about you, but I don't think someone that is not completely familiar
with the Constitution should be representing anything or anyone in Washington. She says
she's qualified because she "knows a lot of people in Washington".
What's even better is that her website used to allow the public to post comments.
Since the web-sites re-design, she filters all comments so that only positive remarks
show up anywhere on the site. If she's already censoring input on her website, imagine
how she'll trample the document she says she wants to protect if she manages to get
This chick is a psycho bitch from hell and a clueless freak. If she makes it into
Congress, everybody in her Congressional district is going to suffer.
11/12/2003: Long time, no rant
At the behest of my (significantly) older sister, as well as at least one fan in San
Diego, I'm here to bring you up-to-date on the unbelievable, the questionable, and of
course, the absurdity that courses through the lungs of society to such a point, that
even I can taste the deficant that is life on this planet.
Jessica "I'm only in it for the money" Lynch - This bitch was hunkered down in a
hum-vee during a running fire-fight because her weapon was "jammed", and everyone else
in her vehicle was killed by the enemy after putting up a reasonably fierce fight.
Ultimately, she was the victim of a vehicle accident in an admittedly rough
neighborhood, but THAT'S ALL. SHE'S NOT A HERO. HELL SHE ISN'T EVEN A SOLDIER! A *real*
soldier would have fought tooth and nail to kill as many of the enemy as he (notice, I
said HE) could before falling on his own sword. Now, here we are suffering through a
over-hyped, poorly-made, pile of Hollywood excrement comprised of half-truths and
outright lies about something that could only be called bullshit. I bet GW is glad for
even the slightest bit of positive spin, but this one is gonna leave a shit-stain three
feet wide on his chest.
Evolution in public schools - There's a big bru-ha-ha going on here in Texas over
the fact that the school system is going to continue teaching evolution instead of
creationism. Personally, I think religious agendas belong in church, not in public
schools. It's up to the parents to make sure that their children receive what they
deem as an appropriate amount of religious indoctrination, and allow the child to believe
or not believe on their own accord. Of course, it won't be long before parents will be
forced to simply turn their children over to the state to ensure that "no child is left
behind". IMHO, slow learners should be relegated to the role that mother nature has
selected for them in their miserable lives, but hey, I'm a heartless old bastard that
thinks we're skirting around evolution (there's that evil word again) by not allowing
mother nature to cull the weak from the species. Instead of spending millions of dollars
keeping kids alive that would otherwise have died before their first birthday, they
should let nature take it's course and put that money to good use. I mean seriously, I
could use a new stereo for my car.
Electronic voting machines - Let's see how many times an e-voting system screws the
pooch before someone with the authority steps up and puts an end to this nonsense. The
latest fiasco was reported today where a voting district with 19,000 registered voters
reported a total count of 130,000 votes. When they "fixed" the bug, they found out that
only 3000 people had actually voted. I think making the observation that results were a
little skewed and not entirely accurate would be a gross understatement. What do you
want to bet that it turns out that no single person or entity will be fingered as being
at fault? Mark my words - this is gonna backfire come next November and shit is
definitely gonna hit the fan. I think that Hollywood should get a jump on it and start
pre-production on a dozen movies portraying the 2nd American Civil War. After all, they
don't need to worry about facts or accuracy when they're making a movie, even if it's a
Linux - I have once again attempted to use Linux. I downloaded and
installed Mandrake 9.1, and it installed and ran fine (once I replaced a faulty stick of
memory). However, I swapped out my CD-ROM for a DVD writer, and the system was so screwed
up that I had to re-install. Until Linux can AUTOMATICALLY recover from something as
simple as a drive swap without requiring a reinstall, Linux is going to remain a hobby
OS. And you know what? It really pisses me off that I had to say that. I despise using
Microsoft's crapware, but if I expect to get ANYTHING done in a timely fashion, I'm
forced to do so. The powers that be in the Linux camp HAVE to be shown that there are
people out there that just need it to work so that THEY can work (or play) without having
to compile some obscure piece-of-shit code library that can only be found in a source
tarball on a server in some poverty-stricken war-torn back-water sorry-excuse-for-a-
sovereign-nation country because some asshole lawyer in Hollywood thinks we're out to rip
off the world, when in reality, we simply want to play our store-bought DVD's on our
05/03/2002: Responsible Reporting is a Myth
I was listening to KTSA today, and the morning drive idiots were inflamed (as usual)
about something. Today, it was the 12-year old "honor-roll" student (their claim, not mine)
who received a D grade on a vocabulary test, prompting her to draw pictures of her teachers
hanging from a gallows with arrows through their heads (stick figures, mind you). Here's the
stupid part - they claimed that the girl could have gotten away with drawing child pornography
because the Supreme Court said it was okay to do so, but that drawing a gallows/teacher/arrow
combination was against apparently the law.
I really suspect that the girl would have been suspended for drawing either thing, and
that the teachers were taking precautionary measures against having another event like
Columbine happen at their school. Nobody said it was "against the law" for her to draw what
she did (I just drew the same thing and nobody's come in to arrest me for it). They removed
her from school and probably stuck her in counseling to make sure she wasn't gonna go postal
and whack a bunch of classmates.
My point is that the people providing news and discussion about current issues should take a
more responsible tack in their presentations. Instead of being the first moron with something
to say, they MUST take it on themselves to provide facts FIRST, and allow their listeners to
make asses of themselves. What we currently have is a bunch of uneducated idiots making
baseless claims, and comparisons that are so far out of context that it's laughable.
05/03/2002: Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies grow Up To Be Catholic (Priests)
Let's see, if I wanted a job that let me doink minors with impunity, who should I call?
Why, the Vatican, of course. Evidently, the suits that run the Catholic church seem to think
that a priest should only be de-frocked if they REPEATEDLY molest children. I want to know
WHY the police don't immediately arrest priests accused of this crime. Why do they have to
wait for an okay from the pope before taking these sick bastards out of the general
population? Why is the collar treated as a shield of protection from prosecution according
to local laws?
03/07/2002: Well, Maybe It'll Be Okay, But Only With Divine Guidance
Last week, the Arch Bishop here in San Antonio publicly announced that he was against
the construction of the proposed PGA Village over the Edwards Aquifer recharge zone. A
lot of folks were all bothered because the Bishop made his statement, apparently as a
representative of the church instead of as a normal local citizen, and that the
Constitutional separation of church and state was being violated. Well, the church/state
argument didn't hold water with me and I figured that Mr. Flores is also granted his right
to free speech.
Today (or maybe yesterday), he changed his mind and suggested that it might be
okay after all, but only if a new Catholic church was constructed on the site as well. At
this point, I have to agree with the church/state people. He's obviously holding back
support (and the support of the millions of mindless Catholics who blindly follow the
church wherever it goes) in exchange for special consideration. IMHO, he has stepped over
the line, and needs to be reigned in. "Please give (as in donate and charge the church
nothing) us 30 acres on which to build a church, and we'll sign off on your inexcusable
and possibly unhealthy use of the recharge zone."
Next thing you know, they'll ask for all the small boys in the area to be lined up in
the priests' private offices for special educational opportunities and spiritual enlightenment.
"Really, my son. That's a new kind of rosary - don't be afraid to touch it."
02/12/2002: Now Batting for the Terrorists...
...Iraq's Sadam Hussien, currently 0 for 1 in the game, and nursing a bruised ego. He
grounded out to Kuwait in his last at-bat, and everyone expects him to put a lot of
effort behind this next turn at whacking Mr. Spalding out of the park. From up here
in the announcer's booth, we look for ol' G.W. to throw this camel jockey such a severe
curve that he's gonna wish he was hunkered in a bunker somewhere in the northern desert.
02/12/2002: Trust Us - Your Health Is Not In Danger
They want to plan a golf course over the Edwards Aquifer Recharge Zone. Evidently,
they can't stand having acres of virgin South Texas soil just sitting around doing
nothing, so they want to put a golf course on it. I know a wide range of folks here
in San Antonio, and not a single one owns a golf club. I doubt that many of them
would be able to afford to play on the new golf course either.
In the meantime, the golf course would be a) choking off our primary ground water
replenishment system, not to mention pumping poisons into the ground to keep the
grass green, and using too much freakin water to aid in the process. But don't
worry. Everything will be okay. All we have to do is put a little trust in the
developers to "do the right thing".
Not bloody fuckin' likely.
02/12/2002: Pointless Olympic "Sports"
"Style" sports. Don'cha just love 'em? Where else can you see world politics in
action? The worst of them is moguls and snow-boarding. If the sport isn't about
who gets there first or who goes the farthest or fastest, why is it an Olympic event?
I don't mind figure skating so much because there's a certain amount of technical
grade given for each performance. Besides that, what authentic red-blooded American
male doesn't mind the skimpy little outfits the girls wear?
Last Olympic note - starting the cross country events one skier (or at the VERY
most - four skiers) at a time is the only way you can guarantee a fair and equal
chance to perform against their only opponent - the clock.
02/12/2002: The Country Is Doomed
In New Jersey, they're stripping pictures off the walls in state government
buildings and public schools of the country's fore-fathers. In the place of these
revered paintings and photographs, they're putting up pictures of people that
"represent less violent ideals".
They've also managed to "officially" represent the period we all know as World
War II, to just three major incidents - the internment of Japanese civilians in
the US, the Holocaust, and the use of nuclear weapons against Japan. As one
teacher in New Jersey put it, the kids aren't supposed to learn details of history
until they get to college where they're required to take at least six hours of
history (I guess ANY kind of history is okay). Hmmm, six hours ought to be enough
to study the intricacies and interrelationships on a world-wide scale (not to
mention how our country was founded, and why it has the status it has today.
I wonder if they've been taking the same approach to reading, writing, and
math - no details please, they'll learn the big words in college, where they're
required to take three hours studying the language.
09/16/2001: Eat Lead Towel Heads
If a cowardly attack using and against civilians is your idea of "war", you're in for a
real surprise. Is that the best you got? BWA HA HA HA HA!!!
09/16/2001: We Don't Want Justice!
We want *revenge*. I don't want Bush to simply take Osama bin Laden into custody, read
him his Miranda rights, and call it a day. I want him to level a couple of Afghani cities,
and then continue on to other terrorist hosting countries. If Afghanistan does in fact
turn over bin Laden, I would like to see him executed on the spot, along with anyone
with any ties whatsoever to his organization.
Update! - It seems as if the Afghanistan government has issued a statement that
they refuse to hand over bin Laden. Looks like we're headed for a shootin' war.
09/16/2001: Twelve-Minute Warning
The news media seems to have locked onto the fact that the Air Force knew 12 minutes
ahead of time that a hijacked air liner was headed for Washington, and that they should
have been able to respond faster. Let's see, 12 minutes to get a plane in the air and
vectored to an intercept point, see what's going on, and taking appropriate action.
What's more, they should have evacuated every building in DC in anticipation that the
plane could end up at any of two dozen viable targets in that area.
Twelve minutes is not enough time to respond appropriately, and add to that time an
American pilot would be hesitant to fire on a passenger plane. We simply weren't ready
for such a horrific use of civilian assets in a terrorist attack. People should not be
wasting their time trying to place blame here, and the media should not pander to those
people by jumping on this kind of information and flooding the airwaves with it.
I'm positive that the military has changed it's posture and that response time would
be much better the next time around (if there is a next time), but I really don't think
that future terrorist attacks will happen the same way. We have THOUSANDS of miles of
coastline and borders, and we can't watch all of it at once. Someone's gonna be able
to get into the country with a nuke or bio weapon, and will detonate it in one (or
more) of our largest cities - Chicago, New York, Washington DC, Atlanta, Miami, Houston,
San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, or Dallas. Any city that sustains a large
concentration of humanity is at risk.
My question is - how are they going to defend against THAT kind of attack?
09/16/2001: We Need Help - No Wait!
A metal cutter/welder rode the bus from North Carolina to New York, answering the call
for skilled workers that could cut steel with a cutting torch. When he got to New York,
he says they won't let him help unless he fills out an application for a job. He also
said that you have to be a member of the right union before even being allowed to pick
up a torch. Meanwhile, almost a dozen welding trucks were *sitting idle* less than 20
feet away. How fuckin' stupid is this?
09/16/2001: Stupid News Media Tricks
Recent stupid media reports on MSNBC:
- "These volunteers slept here overnight. They got here yesterday." - Gee
thanks for helping us with our perception of the term "over-night". We wouldn't have
been able to do it without the media's help.
- "Many people here in New York will be attending church services today -
a tradition here." - Well duh! This little gem was provided on SUNDAY. I'm sure it
*IS* a tradition on Sunday.
09/14/2001: I Wish The News Media Would...
- Stop referring to New York as "ground zero" - it's NOT a proper use of the
term, and doesn't show any respect to the state, the city, the survivors, or the
- Dump the cheesy, overly-dramatic music.
- Showing the airliners impacting the towers, the towers blowing up, and the
- Concentrate on delivering the news instead of speculating and just plain
making crap up. They're over-reporting and should fall back to providing "special
reports" only when something relevant has happened (or is currently happening), such as
finding the other black boxes or survivors in the wreckage, troop movements, or
additional terrorist actions.
It's time to move forward with purpose and resolve, and kick the living crap out of every
terrorist we can find.
09/13/2001: Real Heros
It seems that the passengers on United Airlines Flight 93, realizing that no matter
what happened, they would die as a result, took matters into their own hands and
attacked the hijackers that had commandeered the aircraft. They quite possibly saved
hundreds or even THOUSANDS of lives by distracting the hijackers long enough to crater
the aircraft in a field in Pennsylvania.
That single selfless act warrants more than simply special recognition by the news
media. A monument should be erected in their honor and the area should be turned into
a national park. What's more, the crater should be left just as it is and should have
a fence erected around it to remind us what true bravery is all about.
In addition, a monument should be erected with the name of every person who perished
as a result of Tuesday's attack.
09/12/2001: Who Dialed the Phone For These Morons?
Driving home from work, I was tuned to a local AM radio station - taking calls - and
this stupid bitch (believe me, there are no better words) started saying that it
probably wasn't a terrorist cell from the middle east, but was in fact a bunch of
kamikaze pilots trained in Japan. "I mean, like - uh - they have experiences -uh -
teaching their pilots to - uh - run their -uh - airplanes into - uh - things and
stuff." Fer sure, you moronic twat.
It seems as if a bunch of terrorists decided to hijack a bunch of jetliners and crash
them into a few buildings. So far, the World Trade Center (both towers) in Manhattan and
the Pentagon in Washington DC.
Looks like someone stepped on their dick this time, because I don't think Bush is
gonna foo-foo around this one. Palestinians? Osama bin Laden? Sadam Hussein?
08/26/2001: Grass Roots or Mail Fraud?
Man, Microsoft just keeps stepping up to their knee-pits in dog shit. It seems they've
hired some outside firm to somehow unearth a grass roots movement to persuade the Federal
Court system to go easy on Microsoft. While the idea, in and of itself, is not a bad
one, the execution was handled in a manner that, well, I guess the only word for it is
It seems they started calling around in Utah (where the outside firm was based), and
they started asking people questions about their computer use. We'll ignore the reports
that they apparently represented themselves as Microsoft employees, because that's a whole
other can of worms.
Anyway, they managed to get a couple hundred people to write letters to the DOJ. Since
they wanted them to look spontaneous, they suggested "bullet points" to insert in their
letters. Well, the spontaneity ploy ended when the people receiving these letters
started comparing notes. It seems that many (all?) of the people inserted these bullet
points *word for word*. But it gets better.
Two of the people were so spontaneous, that they actually wrote the letters from somewhere
beyond the grave. Yep, that's right! These morons actually signed letters THEMSELVES from
Pardon me, Mr Post Master General, but doesn't that constitute MAIL FRAUD!? IS
01/16/2001: People Are Stupid Everywhere
I guess I just assumed things would be more "real" here in San Antonio. Consider the
Alamo Dome - it seats something like 80,000 people, but the only thing they really do in
it is host a basketball team (as well as the obligatory concert). The basketball team
draws no more than about 15-20,000 fans, and they RARELY open up the upper levels of this
First, they want to build a new smaller stadium for the basketball team. What
the hell for!?? They can't fill the current stadium!
Now, the Vikings owner (who happens to live here in San Antonio) may be convinced to
move the team to San Antonio if they modify the existing dome. More concession stands and
more box seats and the introduction of club seating. How are they gonna pay for this
"upgrade"? Tax dollars of course! They want to tax EVERYBODY for an upgrade that 95% of
those taxed won't be able to afford! Why should we be taxed for something we can't all
Looks like they're about to feed their white elephant, and the citizens of San Antonio
are expected to shovel elephant shit for years to pay for the food.
11/11/2000: Egg Nog
The "season" is once again upon us, and I'm starting to see that mysterious
love-it-or-hate-it concoction called "Egg Nog" on supermarket shelves. My question is,
why don't they sell it all year round? Sometime around January 1 it just disappears and
it simply cannot be had. Can we special order it? Do we get it from the Saudi's like we
do our oil? Is it the only known existence of what scientists call dark matter? Can we
blame it on the Florida re-count?
11/10/2000: Other Countries
I heard yesterday that the prime minister of Japan thinks that other countries should
be able to vote for our president because the USA is such a large super power. This is
the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of, and that Jap faggot son-of-a-bitch can
bite my Pearl Harbor bunghole.
11/10/2000: The Election Delay
One side or the other should concede. This election snafu is making the entire
country look like a bunch of morons.
11/10/2000: The Electoral College
I think the "Electoral College" should be disbanded, but that's not likely to happen
any time soon. So in lieu of that proposal, here's a changes I think should be made
in the process itself.
Each state should be allowed 100 electoral votes. Each electoral vote is up
for grabs so that any running candidate can earn a minimum of one electoral
vote. An electoral vote would be awarded for every 1% of the state's
population that votes for a given candidate. I think this would represent a
more accurate reflection of what the American voting public wants, and it would
make the "your single vote counts" claim hold a bit more water for a lot of
11/10/2000: Florida Ballots
Wow, whoever would have suspected that the state with the largest immigrant population
of communist criminals would have the deciding vote on who becomes the next president?
There's probably only a handful (some estimates go as high as 15) of legal voters in
the state to begin with.
Many many reports are surfacing, ranging from confusing ballots to alleged
intentional fraudulent ballots. The Gore camp isn't helping matters any by endorsing
the claims, asking for a hand count of ballots, and threatening a lawsuit.
BOTH PARTIES approved the ballot. Neither party has any right to slam the design
at this point. I think that because there's such a large Spanish population in
Florida, they may have been better off listing Al Gore as "Alonzo Gorero", and George
Bush as "El Supremo" or "Alcalde".
In any case, count the ballots and be done with it.
09/08/2000: The Future Was Yesterday
This article appeared on GameSlice today. It talks about the future of racing sims
(my favorite electronic pastime).
Here is the feedback I sent them. Normally I don't post anything that's too serious
here, or I tend to make light of whatever I do, but when I'm trying to enlighten people
I get more serious than usual. That being said, here's the feedback:
The following are my views as a software developer - not necessarily
a racing sim programmer (or any game for that matter), but as a programmer,
I don't think there is any company more dedicated to its user base than
Papyrus. It's unfortunate that they're ultimately controlled by the bean-
counters at Havas/Sierra, but that is a blessing as well as a curse. If
they were left to their own devices, we would see revisions to the
"Nascar Racing" sim only once every four or five years (because
programmers are a precise and exacting bunch), and speaking as a
developer, that's an ETERNITY in the software market. Even the most
dedicated NASCAR fan will find something else to do if their favorite sim
is left to stagnate that long.
Despite what everyone might think, software development doesn't happen
over night. That realization, compounded with the fervent pace of
hardware developments (faster CPU's, faster/better video cards) makes
the gaming software industry not only a moving target, but one that
changes shape, color and density as it travels at break-neck speeds down
the consumer highway.
It's no wonder that sims are so long in coming, and when you add the
"innovation" factor to it, you've tripled the workload. The basic idea
is that you're racing automobiles with internal combustion engines around
a closed course. The ONLY thing you can truly innovate is the graphical
quality, and the realism of the physics. Beyond that, you have to
consider your target market.
Are your customers true sim'ers, or are they just a bunch of arcade
racers in sim clothing? Do they want better online play, or better
offline play? Do they want real tracks and car shapes, or do they want a
bitchin' physics and graphics models? Where should the manufacturers
spend their limited funds?
It's easy for us to stand outside the circle and cry about the sad state
(and unpromising future) of racing simulators, but consider the other
side's point of view. We KNOW what we want today, but the manufacturers
have to predict the future and give us what we'll want in that future.
Today was obsolete yesterday, and the future is obsolete today.
09/01/2000: Not Too Sharp
Well, it seems that Microsoft is now saying (or "admitting", depending on how you
of a temper tantrum since Sun nailed them in court). They've come out with C#
(pronounced C-Sharp) as a replacement for Java, but I think they've missed the
whole point of Java - cross-platform code.
What they've done is told the world, "Since Sun won't let us redefine their
standard, we'll just define our own." Bloody THANKS, Microsoft!
I'm a programmer, and now this is one more thing I have to decide if I want to write
to. Microsoft is hell-bent on distributed applications and making everything
"net-centric". That's a patently bad idea and it pisses me off so much that I'm
gonna stop talking about it right here.
05/05/2000: "Riiiiight!" (Bill Cosby as Noah, 1964)
Okay, now that we've trampled all of the pseudo facts that Christians
continually try to force down our throats about how it all started with Adam and
Eve, let's move up the timeline a little bit. In fact, I'll even overlook the
previous arguments in favor/against creationism for this topic - The Great Flood.
So here we sit thinking tomorrow is gonna be another gorgeous day in the
Middle East - not a care in the world, scopin out the chicks skinny-dipping in the
Nile or finding interesting places to hide dates (fully aware that we're watching
them, no less). Pretty soon, this guy comes by and claims that we're gonna get
flooded out because God is completely fed up with mankind. Again, we're going to
accept this without any discussion.
So this Noah guy gathers up two of everything, and asks if any of his friends
wanna come along for a nice boat ride. First, I don't know ANYBODY that would
get on a homemade boat with some nutcase that brings his own farm animals. There
is no boat large enough to carry two of every kind animal on the earth (and there
were a LOT more back then, than there are now. Let's not forget about the
insects either. If Noah only snagged two of everything, most of them would have
died before the voyage was over (a fly only lives for two or three days).
Lastly, there's the human contingent - at MOST, there were four or five people on
the boat (yes, I'm counting the nutcase with a farm animal fetish). Given that
they were all related, we are again left with the hope of rebuilding the entire
human race based on a severely limited gene pool.
Riiiiiiiiiiiight! Hey, mister! Can I have one last look at that
deed to the Brooklyn Bridge?
04/25/2000: Crocodile Hunter
On the news today, they had a story about a guy, while riding to work on his
bicycle, came upon a rattlesnake in the road. If he had just gone around the snake,
he would have been fine, and the news report could have had been filled with some
other nonsense. However, our hero decided that he'd be a nice guy and move the
snake off the road so he wouldn't get run over. You can probably guess the
outcome - the snake bit him. Okay, we've established the guy is a moron.
I'm willing to bet that in the next few days, he sues Animal Planet (animal TV
network), Cox Cable, the TV show Crocodile Hunter, and it's star, Steve
Irwin, for showing this guy picking up poisonous snakes by the tail so that we
might get a good look at them. And you know what? He'll probably win his case.
04/17/2000: Topics Of Discussion At Work
I work on software that calculates death tax (yes, the government DOES tax
you when you die). I'm surrounded by hyper-intelligent people and our discussions
can take quite bizarre turns (to be expected of people with lots of extra "think"
power). Last Friday, we had one of these types of conversations.
It started out with wondering how Utah treats the mormon multiple marriage
issue when the husband dies and leaves money to his "surviving spouse", and it
progressed through topics including religious persecution, the existence God,
the origin of man, the nature of the universe, the human genome, evolution, the
miracle of birth, reincarnation, and ended up on the topic of a dog's ability to
lick it's own asshole.
As you could probably guess, my contribution to the discussion was about the
04/16/2000: The Ten Commandments
Ya know, this movie is quite poorly acted in a lot of places, and I wonder if
they had to take a lot of breaks so that Yul Brenner could stop trying so hard
to hold his stomach in.
Further, the film is starting to show its age. You could make out a blue halo
at the outlines of several objects, showing that they were superimposed over a
scene. For example, when Moses is walking Pharoe down the steps after raising
the obelisk in his treasure city, you can see the blue outline around Moses'
skirt (or whatever it is).
Despite these minor issues, the film is quite good (even if you don't go along
with the story it's telling).
04/03/2000: EXTRA! Does! It! Again!
On the TV show Extra!! this weekend, they ran a story about the mother
of the first grader that shot a girl in his class. They're taking their familiar
bleeding-heart stance of sympathy for the mother's plight because she lost
custody of her son for child endangerment. In essence, they've cleaned up a
crack-whore and flaunted her on TV trying to show that they care about us little
I guess that they have decided that if we don't have to force our nation's
children to take responsibility for their actions, then the parents are equally
eligible for such consideration. I wonder if this
woman is a smoker?
04/03/2000: Can You Believe This?
It seems that little Cuban boy's relatives refuse to give his father
custody of the boy. Hello? To those relatives - You're in the UNITED STATES!
You've been ordered to return the boy to his father There is no reason not to.
You're breaking the law.
A lot of freakin good it does you to live here if you think you can thumb
your noses at the federal court system. Why doesn't the federal government
take pro-active steps to return this boy to his father? Better question - why
doesn't the federal government revoke their citizenship (if they are indeed
naturalized) or their passports and send them back to fuckin Cuba - WITH THE
03/25/2000: Feel Sorry For Criminals?
On the TV show Extra!! today, they ran a story about how two "teen-age"
women were jailed in Peru for attempting to smuggle cocaine and marijuana. It
seems that they were given an all-expense paid trip to Peru PLUS $5,000 by a group
of drug smugglers, and were informed that they would be bringing back the drugs
with them. They were also guaranteed that they wouldn't be caught, but of course,
they were apprehended and served time in prison in Peru.
First, they were both adults (18 years old), according to any legal definition
of the term. Second, they KNEW IN ADVANCE that they were smuggling drugs across
international borders. Third, they trusted a CRIMINAL when he made them a
guarantee of safety.
Extra!! apparently wants us to feel sorry for them because they were
"duped into carrying the drugs", of the harsh conditions they experienced in the
Peruvian prison system, and because they were so young.
YOU GOTTA BE FUCKIN KIDDING ME!!!!!!
They BROKE THE LAW! They KNEW what they were doing!! THEY GOT CAUGHT!! They
ended up IN PRISON!! One of these rocket scientists even said she had a
reasonable feeling of confidence because the drug dealers guaranteed they wouldn't
be caught, and appeared to think she had grounds for some sort of half-witted legal
It's no wonder our kids are so screwed up - look at the message the media is
sending them! Pathetic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
03/21/2000: 12-lane Freeways
On the news this morning, one of the female anchors said that a woman's mind
is like a 12-lane freeway. I think this is what she meant:
- Lots of ramps but almost no traffic to speak of
- It doesn't take a long time to fill it to capacity
- At the slightest hint of over-use, everything comes to a screeching halt
I emailed this to them and they read it on the air! LOL!
03/21/2000: Nascar Changes I'd Like to See
- More short tracks (or fewer cookie-cutter ovals) on the schedule. The
racing is better, and a typical fan in the grandstands can see the WHOLE track.
- Eliminate the provisional starting system altogether. DW is a perfect
example of why this is a good idea.
- Use the same engine for both qualifying AND racing. This would promote
less expensive racing for the one-car teams. Less money being spent by the teams
means that the tracks can have lower purses, which means that the ticket prices
will come down.
- Restrict the number of engines that can be brought to the track to TWO.
- Instead of just confiscating illegal parts, they should suspend the
*driver* for that race. Making it more expensive to cheat will keep cheating to
03/21/2000: Too Stupid To Come In Out Of The Rain
Darrell Waltrip. This guy is one of the best drivers that ever climbed into a stockcar.
Hell, he proved it THREE times in the mid 80's, but over the last couple of seasons he's
finding it more and more difficult to even QUALIFY to race.
This is his last year on the circuit, and here we sit, only 4 races into the season, and
DW is out of provisionals - again. I think it's long past the time ol' DW should have
gotten a clue and retired from driving.
03/20/2000: You Know You're A Nascar Fan If...
...you think the last four words of the Star Spangled Banner are
"...gentlemen, start your engines!"...
I guess I qualify then...
03/01/2000: Watch Out! That 1st Grader Has A Gun!
Okay. Now I feel real safe. A 6-year old shows up for his first grade class and
shoots a classmate with a STOLEN GUN! Then, he stood over the dying girl and told her
he didn't like her. Now they say they can't charge him with a crime because he's
"too young". I think they should execute the entire family and plug this hole in the
gene pool RIGHT NOW.
03/01/2000: Creationism - What a Farce
The party line on creationism is that Adam and Eve were supposed to be the only two
humans on earth, and they basically gave birth to the entire human race. I really fail
to see how anybody with half a human brain can believe this when presented with
scientific fact that it just can't possibly be true.
The gene pool wouldn't be deep enough to support such a notion. When you consider
what we now know about the effects of in-breeding, the only possible thing that could
have resulted from this is that we'd all be quivering gelatinous blobs of goo or
(best-case) we would be a race of people with identical physical appearance.
Creationism is a crock of shit.
I don't know how many of you out there have member of the opposite sex living with you,
and of that group, how many don't share bathrooms with these individuals, but I have an
observation I'd like to make.
One of the things I do around the house is empty the trash on trash pickup day. This
involves roaming the house looking for trash cans that have something in them, and taking
said trash out to the curb for pickup. After a week, my girlfriend's trash can is REALLY
full, while mine is barely used. I'd like to make the point right now that this radical
difference in the amount of trash generated is brought into sharper focus by noting that
my trash can holds less than a gallon of fluid, while HER trash can holds almost 6 gallons.
After a week of collection, an analysis of the contents reveals that your typical male's
bathroom trash can typically contains a couple of wads of tissue that have been permanently
glued together by boogers, and from 6 to 12 spent toiler paper rolls.
Contents of the typical female's trash can reveals precisely 14 slightly used Q-tips,
four to eight pounds of tissue wads, each containing a unique combination of what I call
"mystery fluids" that somehow remain wet and gooey for the entire week, and between 12 and
16 balls of hair. There are other things in there, but their origin and purpose is a
mystery to me.
Some of you might find it refreshing that someone, somewhere, has found the time and
expended the effort to perform the above analysis, but a larger portion of you may wonder
just what the hell I'm doing rifling through my girlfriend's trash can. To the first group,
I say "You're welcome", but to the second group, I have to tell you that I promised the
little voices I hear that I wouldn't mention them specifically.
02/11/2000: My, Aren't We Cozy...
A local news story broke yesterday concerning a woman who was found to be having sexual
relations with several boys between the ages of 15 and 17. While this in and of itself
is a "bad thing", interviews with this lady's neighbors highlighted a problem that's been
simmering since the McCarthy era.
"I lived right across the street and had no idea this was going on", volunteered
one neighbor. The problem? A lack of desire to be involved with your community or to
communicate in any way with your neighbors. In our collective attempt to hide from the
world's problems, we're spawning the festering cess-pool of immorality right in our own
back yards. Of course, if you dare stick your head out your front door, you're liable to
have it shot off, so I guess you can't win.
01/12/2000: Call it Whatever You Want...
I was having a discussion with some of the female staff at work yesterday, and it was
universally accepted (based on reliable input from male members of the staff and male
passers-by) that the very first thought to cross a guys mind when he sees a woman, a
picture of a woman, or even a drawing (cartoon, lifelike, or otherwise) is somehow
connected with SEX.
Anyone (male or female) that says otherwise is a bald-face liar. Even after hundreds of
years of sensitivity training by the church (and more recently, women), and after being
exposed to what I laughingly call civilization, men (as a group) are still driven by
primal urges to propagate the species.
Don't get me wrong - I don't think there's millions of guys are walking around ready to
pop a woody at the slightest hint of a sexual encounter, but their very first thought,
no matter how fleeting, is connected in some manner with sex.
You can therefore deduce that nobody goes to Hooters for the food.
01/16/2000: I Stand By My Choice - *DEFINITELY* Mary Ann
I saw the backstage scandals show on Fox last night where they were interviewing
the cast of Gilligans Island. Tina Louise (Ginger) looks like she's been rode hard and
put away wet, and appears to be about as shallow as a bird bath. Dawn Wells (Mary Ann),
on the other hand, is STILL a babe and a half, even considering she's in her 60's now,
and her head appears to be screwed on straight.
01/05/2000: What's the Point?
I'm sure you've noticed the trend of having voters going to the polls and passing a
resolution of one type or another, only to see it to be held up in the court system
as being unconstitutional or some other thing.
If anyone wants a good example of why Americans are avoiding the polls and not voting
for ANYTHING, here's the reason. Their votes obviously don't count. A perfect
example is the baseball stadium issue here in San Diego. I personally voted against
the new stadium, but it passed at the voting booth. However, some folks can't take
"YES" for an answer.
We are now waiting to see if this issue will come up for a vote for a THIRD TIME! Can
you say "complete waste of time and money"?
Another example is the auto insurance debacle. We (the people) voted IN FAVOR of it
(and I don't recall the details of the resolution), but the insurance lobby succeeded
in taking the issue to court and having our votes DISMISSED!
IMHO, every resolution should be given a thorough once-over by the state supreme
court before being put up for a vote. At that point, each side will have ONE chance
to argue the constitutionality of the resolution. If it's deemed Constitutional by the
state supreme court, then (and ONLY then) it can be placed on the ballot. Then it
should be COMPLETELY up to the voters.
The public at large sees no point in voting for anything - can you blame them?
12/10/1999: Sue The Bastards! No, Wait!
Well, well, well. It has just come to my attention that Indiana tobacco farmers
have been given a government subsidy to support their crops.
HELLO!!!! MCFLY!!!! The government is SUING the tobacco manufacturers,
and then turning around and giving them the money BACK! What the hell are they
thinking? I hope the same rocket scientists working on this lawsuit aren't involved
in the Microsoft anti-trust gig.
In 21 days, we'll see what happens. I personally don't think we'll see too much
in the way of problems in this country, but I'll be watching the news as midnight
creeps westward across Europe. I'm gonna make sure our bottled water bottles are
bottling water, gonna buy a few extra cans of pork-n-beans, and charge up all our
rechargeable flashlights, but that's about it. I'm not gonna take all my money out
of the bank, or buy a gun, or any of that nonsense.
On the other hand, I think a little anarchy would be good for the world as a
12/09/1999: Recent Aviation Accidents
Wowsers... Lots of aircraft are falling out of the sky nowadays. This is just an
observation, as I don't have any viable explanations other than pilot error, aircraft
defect, etc, etc...
12/09/1999: Mars Attacks
I was watching TV the other day (Real TV or Extra! I think), and they had a
segment on a surveillance camera that caught a bright light from a flying object
as it passed overhead. Since the camera wasn't pointed at the sky, nobody really
knows for sure what it was, but I have a theory.
To date, NASA has screwed up something like 18 attempts to explore Mars (more on
that in a minute) and to see if life currently exists (or has ever existed) there.
These aborted attempts to explore the Martian surface resulted in what must have
been spectacular crashes into the Martial soil. I think that this mystery light
was some sort of weapon fired at us from Mars. Frankly, I'm surprised it took them
this long to fire back at us.
Next, how many of you believe that a NASA engineer "forgot" to convert standard
measurements to metric? What a crock of shit. They run simulation after simulation
before launching their over-priced space junk at a planet. Something diabolical is
afoot, and nobody in a position to know exactly what's going on is talking.
A mistake that gigantic would have been discovered on the ground long before they
lit the damn fuse on the rockets.
Lastly, let's talk about the now infamous "face on Mars". It honestly looks to
me like an artificial formation. Who made it? God? Shya, right. The Martians?
Could be. Another race of beings? Could be. OJ Simpson? He got away with murder,
so I wouldn't put it past that rat bastard.
07/22/1999: JFK, Jr.
Has anyone stopped to consider that the Coast Guard spent all that money to
find the plane and the bodies, only to have the families bury the victims at
sea? If I were the head honcho at the Coast Guard, I'd sure be more than just
a little annoyed.
And while we're on the subject, I think the media is WAY over-doing on this
particular story. Even after they've died, celebrities cannot escape the press of
the press. JFK Jr is (or was) just a man. Leave him and his family alone.
07/10/1999: This is the Only Time I'll Do This
A month or so ago, a friend of mine sent me this in an email. I was going to
simply tell him that I don't respond to questions about my opinions page, but
since he was a friend, I changed my mind. This is what he sent me...
My curiosity got the best of me so I rambled around on your personal
pages a bit and have a question? What happens when you apply the same
mental processes/logic/whatever for your denial of god's existence to
your belief in the existence of UFO's? Then quoting the bible in your
defense of arbitrarily executing our citizens confuses me even more.
I'm not trying to pick a fight here, honest. Just trying to follow
While I stated above that I'm not interested in anybody else's opinions of my
opinions, I felt a need to clarify a few things for him, so I figured I'd share
this with the public at large as well. Here's my response (and I'm not sure it
helped him understand my way of thinking)...
Caution - the last person attempting to follow my thinking went quietly
insane, and the last time we heard from him, he was trying to figure out
a method for getting to Mars without the aid of any known conventional
UFO's and Life on Other Planets
Fact: We exist, as a life form on this planet, among several thousand
other life forms.
Fact: We are by no means anywhere close to being on the oldest planet
in the universe.
Fact: We have developed space travel, albeit in a very rudimentary way.
Scientific Deduction: The odds are astronomically favor the possibility
that one or more planets capable of supporting life (even if it's merely
as advanced as our own) exist.
Scientific Deduction: The odds that at least one other race of beings
is much more advanced than we are is extremely high, given the estimated
age of the universe.
Wow. There is absolutely no basis in fact. Everything that we know of
that exists has a scientific explanation for its existence. Here's some
selected (and more popular) stories from the bible.
1) There's no indication that we just appeared here through some divine
intervention. Further, why would "god" fool around with dinosaurs and
early attempts at humanoid life before finally getting bored with the
whole thing and casting us in his image? Certainly not even the most
zealous "christian" would possible try to claim that all the dinosaur
fossils and such that have been found are fakes...
2) It has been scientifically proven that "the great flood" was nothing
more than a localized weather event. There is no physical indication
anywhere that it was anything more. It certainly wasn't a worldwide
3) When "god" smote Sodom & Gomorrah? Could have been a meteor impact,
or maybe a natural gas explosion. When people "turned to salt", it was
more likely that the heat crystallized there bodies. Who knows for sure?
I wasn't there, and I haven't met anybody that was. (I hope I got the
time frame references right, here.)
4) And then, why would he make other stars in the universe so far away?
To separate us from other experimental life forms? Lots of questions with
5) The Bible is merely a bunch of guys that wrote their interpretation
of historical rumors sprinkled lightly with accidents of factual data.
There are literally THOUSANDS of interpretations of the bible, and all of
them vary in one way or another. Some of the translated passages in the
King James version were (supposedly) made up, amounting to fluff added by
someone who thought it lacked pizzazz in those areas.
In short, nobody has proven to me that God (or even the devil) exists
anywhere but in somebody else's mind.
Why Do I Quote the Bible?
Because it provides a common frame of reference for everybody that speaks
english. How many people have you ever encountered that weren't familiar
with the term "an eye for an eye"? In other words, it's convenient.
Like I said on my opinions page, these are my views and I don't expect
anybody to go along with anything I say. If you laugh at some of the things,
*that* is what I'm after. If it makes you think (or go "hmmmmm" - grin),
that is what I'm after. If you don't agree with something I say, that's your
right as a free-thinking individual.
I've gotten over 100 requests for explanation of my views (most of them from
religious zealots or gays that used very colorful terms to describe my
character), and I've ignored all of them except this one.
I'm a programmer and find that the longer you think about some "thing" the
more likely it is that you're willing to change your mind about that "thing",
and try to find different ways around the problems presented by the "thing".
I think about these issues a lot, and if someone could show me physical,
no-doubt-about-it proof that God exists (like you've probably already surmised,
I don't consider the Bible in any form to be the proof I'm after), I'll jump on
the bandwagon, but not until then.
07/10/1999: Cultural Diversity
Ya know, I see all kinds of people running around complaining about being subjected to
cultural bias. Well, here's how I see it. I'm part German, but I don't go running around
with a swastika on my sleeve to show cultural heritage. I'm also part Scottish, but I don't
go running around wearing a kilt and brandishing a broadsword to show cultural pride. I'm
also part Irish, but I'm not joining the IRA to prove worth in my erst-while countrymen's
eyes. Why not? Because I'm an American. Beyond a natural curiosity about such things, I
don't really give a rat's ass about where my family was living before they stepped onto the
boat and came to this country. My culture is here. My history is here.
Sure, things were pretty bad in "the old world" as recently as 75 years ago, but that's not
what this country is about. This country is, and always has been about better things - a
new start, a new life, and new opportunities. It amazes me that foreigners try so hard to
come to this country and become citizens, yet insist on doing things the way their old
culture dictates (yes, the culture that they abandoned to get here). If they're so damned
interested in preserving their culture, then goddammit, they can damn well move back to the
country they came from.
07/10/1999: The National Language
We don't have one. Until we do, the school system will continue to deteriorate in this
country because we're trying to tech kids in their native languages instead of the common
language used by everyone else in this country.
Even Theordore Roosevelt shared this opinion - learn the language or get out.
03/15/1999: Smoking Mothers Make Violent Criminals
Someone has done a study that has determined that mothers who smoke during pregnancy are
more like to give birth to violent criminals than mothers who abstain from the evils of
tobacco. In other words, they're looking for more reasons that people can point to when their
son goes nuts and kills a dozen people with a power drill. Can't they just accept that this is
mother natures way of telling us there's way too many people on the planet? Can't they see
that they're giving the population at large an acceptable reason to commit violent crimes and
claim that their mothers smoking habits was the reason for their dementia?
Maybe we should just identify the children of these women ahead of time and put a bullet in
their head. Will it solve the problem of violent crime? Not in the least.
The crew of the USS Bremerton are being called "heros" for sinking the New Karissa.
If the New Karissa had been an enemy destroyer steaming down on them, bent on the
Bremerton's destruction, then yeah, they would be heros simply for preventing the loss of
a nuclear attack sub (I imagine those are fairly costly and not readily available in boxes of a
dozen). Instead, the New Karissa was merely a floating hulk - hell, it was only half a
hulk at that point - that was towed into position and hammered on by US Navy destroyers for an
hour or two before they exceeded their budget (70 5-inch shells probably added up quick in terms
of dollars, not to mention the JP-5 they used to get into firing position).
Gimme a break, these guys were simply doing their jobs, and certainly shouldn't be called
heroes for sinking half of an oil tanker in peacetime conditions with no threat of destruction
greater than having the tanker come down on their heads as if sank to the bottom.
11/27/1998: Random Thought
You have to wonder what kind of direction your life has taken when the most exciting thing
you can think of is the righteous dump you're going to take when you get home from a road
11/20/1998: Sammy Sosa - NL MVP
Congrats to Sammy Sosa for being voted National league MVP. But you just gotta
A few months back, I'd heard that several minority groups had suggested some racial
improprieties regarding the home run race between Big mac and Slammin' Sammy. They suggested
that McGuier was garnering more attention than Sosa because he's white. HELLO??!!
Mac was the FIRST one of the two to break the old record, and Mac also hit
MORE home runs than Sosa by the end of the season. It doesn't take a rocket
scientist to figure out who's going to get the bulk of the attention here. I'm sorry, but
I don't see anything racially motivated about this, until...
I personally agree that of the two, Sosa was more deserving of the MVP title. However,
with the afore mentioned tirade by black activist groups, you HAVE to wonder (even just a
little bit) how much of that played into the final decision to name Sosa as MVP.
Isn't it a shame that, as civilized people, we still have to wonder about these things?
11/12/1998: Microsoft's Linux Hard-on
Kill Linux? I don't think so. The best way to kill Linux is to make NT a viable
server OS, and that ain't gonna happen. They're so busy trying to break Linux's
connectivity through proprietary protocols and registry tweaks that they're missing
the big picture. People use Linux for server duties because IT WORKS!
The best thing that could happen to the industry as a whole is Microsoft pulling
it's head out of it's ass and make their software more fucking stable.
11/12/1998: Monica Lewinski
Why does she have such big legal bills? I thought the Republicans paid her way... I
guess this is their way of saying "Thanks for sucking the President's dick and keeping
that dress around, now get lost, you slut. By the way, got any more of those cigars?"
11/12/1998: Newt - His Job is Done, or Just Another Quitter?
Newt stepping down without a fight? I'm not a fan of the Republican or Democratic
parties, but it looks an awful lot like Newt was hired on as Speaker simply because he
had a hitch in his git-along for making Clinton look bad. Now, Clinton is pretty much
in the shitter over a blow job, so Newt isn't needed any more.
I have no respect at all for quitters. What a pussy.
11/12/1998: NASCAR Diecast - a little over the top
If you don't collect NASCAR diecast, this opinion will not interest you, so you have
my permission to skip to the next item.
Nascar should mandate that race teams cannot change their paintjobs more than three or
four times per season. Not only that, but they should fine teams for coming to the track
with truly disgusting paintjobs - case in point - the #9 Cartoon Network "birthday" car.
It looks as if someone made an honest effort to paint that car with the ugliest colors on
Next, what makes ANYBODY think that a train set is a viable NASCAR collectible? I've
NEVER seen a stock car transported by rail, so where's the "authenticity" in trainsets?
Stock rods are another collectible faux pas. The last thing I want trashing up my
collection of NASCAR diecast is a street car painted up to look like some randomly
selected stock car.
Lastly, what's the deal with the gold plated cars? I've never seen one on the track,
have you? If people didn't actually spend money on crap like this, the diecast
companies could devote more resources into making higher quality and more accurate
09/12/1998: President Clinton - Impeach Him Over a Blowjob?
Gimme a break. He got lucky, and he's got to deal with Hillary over it. That should
promote enough sympathy for him that he shouldn't have to even worry about impeachment.
Seriously, impeaching him this late in his term would only disrupt the running of the
government, including foreign affairs (no pun intended) and the current stock market
problems. While I recognize that this is exactly what the republicans want to do in
order to make democrats as a group look inept, everyone should sit back and consider
the big fuckin' picture before anything is decided. Consider that Gore is under
investigation for some sort of campaign fund irregularities, and we could be looking
at yet a second impeachment if Clinton is ousted. I really don't think the country
could survive the impact of having the #3 guy running the place.
Should Clinton be impeached? Personally, I don't think so. But more importantly, I
don't think he should be impeached for the reasons I stated above. What would really
tickle the hell outa me would be finding out that Monica was a plant and that the
republicans are somehow responsible.
08/02/1998: Thrustmaster Products Are CRAP!
For the second time in three months, I have managed to break the accelerator spring
on my TM Nascar Pro wheel/pedal setup. Now, I don't race a lot compared to some folks
I know, so I consider this propensity for breakage a serious flaw in TM's design.
This anomaly is not restricted to their wheel/pedal sets, either. I have their
fancy (and expensive) joystick too. I've had to replace various buttons on a regular
basis since it's purchase. The only good side of this is that they are willing to
provide replacement parts for free. My problem is that I don't want to spend my
time fixing this shit when it breaks, and it breaks way too often.
I'll never buy another TM product, and I won't recommend it to anyone else.
08/02/1998: President Has A Sex Life - Who Gives A Shit?!
I think Ken Starr is jealous of Bill Clinton. Clinton can get any chick he wants, but
Ken has to settle for whatever he can scrape out of the red-light district. I think
Monica is pursuing this because Bill refused to have her party dress dry-cleaned after
his premature ejaculation.
And look at where Monica is living - the Watergate Hotel - probably one of the
ritziest addresses in the area. Who's paying for that? She's just a little whore who
sleeps around to get what she wants, Ken Starr is her pimp, and Linda Tripp is the
group's "enforcer" (someone that butt-ugly would scare the piss outa me, that's fer
I am not the slightest bit interested in Clinton's sex life, extramarital or
otherwise, and as far as I'm concerned, he can screw anyone he wants. After all,
that's his job.
11/02/1997: Microsoft Is Anti-Competitive? Say It Ain't So!!
The DOJ has to get a grip. If you're gonna hit Microsoft, hit 'em where it hurts. The
daily fine idea is mere fodder for those who blindly believe what the government feeds
them, and it's a token gesture at best. What they should have done is prohibit MS from
writing, selling, or in any way endorsing application software. If they want to try
controlling the operating system market, let them.
I'm not a system manufacturer so I'm not privy to the contracts that MS has in
place concerning the installation of their browser or if it's even required. It seems
to me that it's merely cost-effective for the hardware houses to install the whole OS
by way of the "typical install". Why Netscape is concentrating on this particular area
is bewildering and pointless. I certainly wouldn't want to have to dick around with
whether or not to include a specific option on each and every machine, so this is why
MSIE is installed by default.
Now, let's talk about truly anti-competitive marketing: You are REQUIRED
to run Internet Explorer in order to...
- Participate in MS's Internet Gaming Zone. This is not a big deal to me, but many
thousands of mindless newbie computer users simply aren't made aware of this little
aspect of "the Zone". Netscape doesn't work here, but I think it's either MS trying to
redefine standards to suit there own ambitions (or kill Java altogether), or that
Netscape is just incapable or too lazy to implement support for ActiveX(crement).
- Access help files in Visual C++ 5.0. Netscape cannot be selected as
your browser of choice.
- Access locally installed knowledgebase articles as a subscriber of MSDN. Netscape
cannot be selected as your browser of choice.
I wonder how many people know that MS owns a chunk of the Unix OS market as well (they
were covering their collective asses in case NT took a major dump on 'em). Even MacOS has
been corrupted. It seems the only OS's safe from MS meddling and control is Linux and OS/2.
People don't use Linux because it's too difficult to configure and maintain by today's 90's
user. Also the thought of using an OS that is in a seemingly constant state of flux and
built upon by many thousands of loosely knit and widely spread out programmers is quite
disconcerting. Add to that the phrase, "...oh by the way, you can re-build the kernel any
time you want..." and you'll scare the bejeebees out of most of today's typical users.
It may be too late for the current crop of users, but if we start teaching kids that
computers aren't always pretty icons and dialogs, maybe we won't have to be subjected
to hand-holding GUI (Gates User Interface) in the future.
10/25/1997: Linux and Windows Users
Maybe this is only a symptom exhibited on IRC, but as a group, Linux users are
generally an overbearing bunch of elitist assholes who have no grasp on reality. If
they would look further than their login prompt, they'd realize that Windows keeps
all of the whining little "hold-my-hand-every-step-of-the-way" idiots in their own
little iconoclastic world of ignorance and Gates-induced euphoria - and they like it
there. No amount of criticism will change their limited little minds and may even
provoke them into deeper entrenchment in their selected hell.
The majority of Windows users are whining little "hold-my-hand-every-step-of-the-way"
idiots existing in their own little iconoclastic world of ignorance and Gates-induced
euphoria who fail to realize that some of us might want more out of our overpriced
hardware, and that like it or not, computer use blossomed from the seed of hacker-dom
where all things are command-line oriented and based in a sea of sometimes un-navigable
source listings and the mysterious "make" command. If it will help them, remind them
that Bill Gates even contributed to the Unix effort when he was at Berkeley. At that
point he realized that no one corporation could contain Unix and that's why they have
to deal with NT today.
In short, both sides - PUT A FUCKIN' SOCK IN IT AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIVES!
08/24/1997: 56K Modem Technology Is A Scam
If you're expecting to be able to buy a 56K modem (either X2 or K56Flex) so
that you can just dial up your buddy and rip along at 56K, forget it. It seems
that the fine print describing 56K modems mentions that you need a digital
connection on the receiving end of the dial-up in order for you to achieve any
speed over 33.6k bps. Further, there is no clear cut definition of the digital
connection required in terms of hardware/software/pjone lines. This really
pisses me off.
05/19/1997: Something For Nothing
I'm tired of all the whiners on the newsgroups who think patching software
is an overnight task and who think that all future revisions to a given
program should be free to anyone who has owned any program ever written by
Get real. It's those same whiners who poked and prodded those same companies
into rushing a product/patch to market and then go on to bitch and moan that
said program/patch is rife with bugs.
Counter slam - The companies that allow the users to push them around are
equally guilty, feeling that they have a right to claim industry pressure
as a reason for buggy software. Bullshit.
05/19/1997: Illegal Aliens
In response to the border patrol agent that was shot at from
the Mexican side of the border, I think the federal government should stop
kissing up to the Mexicans and put troops on the border. I don't mean National
Guard troops either. I want a few fully equipped Marine divisions stationed
right on the fence.
Next, a single leaflet drop should warn all potential idiots that any attempts
at crossing the border will be met with lethal force. No further warnings.
Fuck this "nice guy" shit. If the feds were even remotely serious about
illegal immigration from Mexico, this kind of action would have already been
As a country, we've had are nose so close to Mexico's asshole that our
collective faces should be covered in fuckin' frijoles, and I for one am
damn tired of the taste. I say frag 'em!!
06/15/1996: Toilet Paper Use In Movies
I was watching Leaving Las Vegas today and the scene where Serah is on the
toilet moaning about being tire of being alone, she pulls off one square
of TP to clean up (as it were). C'mon!!! ONLY ONE SQUARE!? Honestly
ladies - how many of you can get away with using only one square of TP!? I
want to see more realistic use of toilet paper in the movies! Is that too
friggin much to ask!?
11/01/1995: On Censoring The Internet
Censoring the net would be like telling me I can't read a book and then freely
express my opinion about what I just read. Business of every kind is conducted
on the net thousands of time every day, but instead of hearing about the two
teenagers discussing the finer points of their favorite games, or the group of
science students arguing over who's cold-fusion experiment is going to power the
university's library first, we get reports of kids accessing sex-oriented news
groups and web pages - simply because it's more newsworthy. (Is that supposed to
hyphenated?). What kind of statement does that make about our society?
Granted, the kiddy porn thing is disgusting and anyone who engages in it should
be castrated (sp?), but we shouldn't burn down the barn simply because a horse
took a dump in it. There's got to be an answer to problems like this, but
censorship in any form is unacceptable.
On the O.J. Verdict
I know this is dated, but what the hell, I've heard everyone else's theory, so
here's my two cents worth. I think he's guilty as sin. I mean, face it - how
many other people do you think are running around L.A. with OJ's DNA? On the
- The cops couldn't find the murder weapon (or weapons?).
- The cops didn't find any OJ fingerprints at the scene, (funny since he
wasn't wearing at least on glove).
- It's unlikely that he killed one person without getting hurt in some way
by the other intended victim.
- It's unlikely that one person would watch another being killed without
screaming or shouting for help.
On another note, the Browns and the Goldmans should leave the guy alone - a
civil suit for monetary damage due to wrongful death? IMNSHO, if he wasn't found
guilty of the deaths, then they plaintiffs haven't got a legal leg to stand on.
And what's with this "can't plead the 5th" theory? Since when do constitutional
rights come and go according to the whims of the legal system? A preponderance
of the evidence? Get a grip. There wasn't enough evidence to convict, and they're
gonna have a helluva time putting a jury together that can be unbiased. OJ has no
chance of getting a fair civil trial.
Equality For Everyone (Yeah - Right!)
If you are more qualified for a job than other applicants, you should
get it, regardless of your race, color, or sex.
Gays have no business being in the military. I've been in the military
and can say without a doubt that a known gay on a ship at sea is disruptive and
not conducive to an efficiently running system. Not only is his presence
creating a danger to the rest of the crew (however slight), he is also creating
a danger to himself. Beyond that, I don't care where they work.
Male Waiters at Hooters
What a joke. Every female I asked - WITHOUT EXCEPTION - said A) that they
still would not go to Hooters if the firm began hiring male waiters, and B) that
the existence of male waiters at Hooters would not change their view of the
restaurant. I'm sure that if there was a restaurant with scantily clad male
waiters (what would they call that - "Packages"?) you wouldn't see a bunch of
women (or even men) parading around insisting that they hire women as waiters.
Men wouldn't care, 'cause they're at Hooters eating lunch...
This kind of litigious behavior will no doubt drive Hooters out of business,
which is quite un-fair. Maybe the restaurant chain should have just called
itself "Tits" and gotten it over with.
UPDATE!! - A ruling was handed down saying that
Hooters was not required to hire male waiters. I'd like to buy that judge
a beer at (you guessed it) Hooters!
Sexual Harassment At the Work place
Boy am I tired of hearing about this. It seems that you and/or your
employer can be sued for sexual harassment if you simply sneeze. What total and
utter bullshit. Sure, I admit that there's been real cases of this kinda
stuff (unwelcome or unrequested fondling of any type), but not having any
kind of a sense of humor is no reason to claim that you've been harassed.
I knew we were in trouble [as men] when we stopped hitting women in the head
and dragging them into caves for nothing more than reproductive sex. Of course,
back then (before a definitive spoken language had been formed and mankind was
busy trying to find a way to kill off all the dinosaurs) a female grunt could
have had several interpreted meanings, none of which meant "NO!".
The Motorcycle Helmet Law
Legally - This is another example of the federal government interfering
in our lives by trying to protect us from ourselves. They've blackmailed the
states by withholding federal highway funds from states which don't have
a mandatory seat belt and helmet law in place by a certain date. This type of
retribution by the feds has already been deemed unconstitutional once before, and
the deadline for meeting the requirements has been repeatedly postponed.
FEDERAL UPDATE!! - Clinton signed a new bill which
included the repeal of the helmet blackmail law. Now, states have no federally
mandated reason to have a helmet law!!!
CALIFORNIA UPDATE!! - No news is bad news.
Medically - It has not been proven to me that wearing a helmet would
prevent me from becoming severely injured or even killed. If nothing else, the
helmet restricts my hearing and peripheral vision (which is the reason you're
not allowed to wear one in a car - go figure).
Inattentive and Murderous Cagers
You know who I'm talking about - those people driving 80 mph down the freeway,
usually talking on a phone, or the executive driving a big fancy car that thinks
a biker is nothing more than a spot to have cleaned off his grill when he gets
home. They think that all bikers are scum and it's okay to take one out on the
freeway. Lame excuses like "I didn't see him officer" don't fly with me, and if
I was a cop, I'd punch anyone who said that right in the mouth.
Specifically, the guy on 163 North going through Clairemont Mesa driving a
fairly new 4-door white Mercedes with the license NAS TRAN. He didn't think 70
was fast enough so he decided that on his way past me he'd try to run me off the
road. To that asshole - you better hope I never find you or your
There's NOTHING wrong with Sporty's. I've owned one, and I'd
like to have another - preferably a 1200, or even a Buell S-1 Lightning (powered
Everybody has their own reasons for snubbing Sportsers and their riders, so
don't waste time trying to figure out the reason. Just ride the bike and enjoy
yourself. In the end, that's all that counts anyway.
Laughlin River Run, Daytona Bike Week, and even Sturgis
Three of the biggest rip-offs since income tax was implemented. Hotel room prices
sky-rocket, cops go nuts, and there's simply too many fuckin people - a complete
waste of time and money. Not only that, but they've been overrun by bike-towing
yuppies who haven't got a clue about what owning a Harley really means.
Loud Pipes on Bikes
Lessee, where do I start? I like my pipes, they're moderately loud, but not to
the point of bothering me, and they replaced pipes that were loud
enough to bother me. If you think they're too loud, I don't really
care. If you want to know why I like my pipes as loud as they are, I can't answer
that question with anything more informative than "It sounds just right to
me", or "All Harley's should sound this good". I know, I know - it's
not prophetic, it doesn't show an ounce of intelligence, and can't be categorized
into anything more than mere preference.
Do loud pipes save lives? I can't really say, as I'm not in the car that swerves
when I rapped the throttle as it tries to merge into my lane - with me
right beside it.
I think some pipes are too loud, but hey, that's just my opinion. I heard a brand
new Springer running the other day, and it's not much noisier than a GoldWing. If
that's the way the guy wants to run his bike, that's his business. If I want to run
pipes that shatter windows a block away, that's my business. In the long run, I
guess what I'm trying to say is that it sure as hell isn't any of your business.
Being a Harley rider, I hang with other Harley riders. And like Harley owners
everywhere, I admit to a little bit of brand snobbery when it comes to jap
- In general - If you want to ride one, that's your business, and I won't
fault you for it. Lord knows Harley's are too damned expensive. But at the same
time, I expect you to respect MY choice of motorcycles to the same extent.
Actually, if it weren't for competition from other manufacturers, H-D wouldn't be
where it is today.
- Jap H-D Clones - They're laughable. The Jap manufacturers are trying to
create something that jap bikes don't have - a big-bike history. If they want to
do "retro" bikes, while not re-introduce updated versions of some of their own older
(60's and 70's) designs. Triumph is doing quite well with this marketing
- GoldWings (and even some full-dress ElectraGlides) - C'mon people. If you
wanna drive a motor home, get a Winnebago (sp?) or an Itasca. And what's with those
trailers with stuffed animals glued to them? Looks pretty stupid. And an electric
reverse gear? Pathetic...
Harley-Davidson - The Company
I like their bikes (wouldn't own anything else), but I have a problem with some of
- Production Levels - They are abysmally(sp?) low compared to demand. Build
- Copyrights, Trademarks, etc. - Trying to get a patent on the sound a Harley
makes? Guffaw. If that goes through, I'm going to try and patent the sound I make
when I fart. No siree - nobody is allowed to sound like me when I fart. I'll sue!
If they weren't spending so much money pursuing copyright infringements, maybe the
price of the bikes would come down.
- New product Idea!!! - Harley-Davidson Tampons - Think of it! They could
patent tampons which would effectively remove every woman's right to have a period
unless they used Harley Tampons! Possible slogan - "If yer gonna ride, ride the
best!' RIGHT - I'd put it right next to my Harley toilet paper! (Let H-D help you
wipe yer ass!)
- Their Products - The bikes are great, the t-shirts are understandable,
but logo-tomized leathers, boots, and jeans? No thanks. I'll
buy no-name stuff and pay 30-60% less and get the same (and a lot of times,
better) quality. For example, my jacket, vest, and chaps have lasted me over
three years, and I think I paid just under $300 for all three items. Try to
get out of a Harley dealer with the same three items for less than $500.
Riding In General
- I prefer to ride alone or in small groups (1-5 other riders).
- HOG Events - Some of the local HOG super-rides are too damned populated
(100-200 riders) and a lot of those riders are new to riding in general, and
group riding in particular. Average highway speeds rarely exceed 45 mph in
groups like this, and IMHO, that's unsafe. My bike isn't happy unless it's
What a waste of time. It's for people with minds so weak that they can't stand on
their own two mental feet. It was invented to give the masses a sense of right and
wrong and to basically keep them in line. Well - it's not working anymore.
Besides that, nobody has been able to prove (to me) that there is a divine entity
watching over us. Don't take this as an opportunity to try and prove it to me
either. I'm not interested, and I cannot be convinced by rhetoric.
They're still selling those? Actually they have their uses in the publication
business (I guess), but as far as mainstream use - they're dead.
Get rid of the restrictor plates!